|Kubrick's words, not mine. |
So, since I'm white as sin, being Irish and all, we had to make me look darker without making me look like a caricature and without putting me in "black face." We decided that me getting a professional spray tan would look the best/least offensive. Now, professional spray tans were a fairly new thing at this time, the bottled junk was available but just made you look like an oompa-loompa. Since we went to college in a po' dunk cow town, our director had to drive me to the next town over because they were the only place within 100 miles that had a tan salon that did spray tan. It turned out to just be a lady in a dressing room with an airbrush, not a shower that mists it over your body for 30 seconds.
|Yeah, this wasn't a thing yet.|
I stripped down and put on the weird paper underwear they had, and stood still in this hot dressing room/closet with no air ventilation while this strange lady airbrushed my entire body by hand. Again, there was no air ventilation in this room, and the lady is wearing a paper doctor mask, but I am not, since my face needed tanning too. The mixture of the hot not-ventilated room, the cold airbrush on my skin, the fumes from said airbrush and the fact that I had not eaten became too much for my poor little 18-year old body. As the lady was spraying the back of my legs, I started to feel light-headed and told her so. Suddenly, it was dark and the Yip Yips from Sesame Street were singing, but no sound was coming from their mouths.
I called my director and told her what happened and asked if they could bring me some food and water. The Imp showed up eventually and begrudgingly fed me some of his food as I sat shaking, still naked, on the floor of the dressing room. Eventually, the lady was able to finish up the spray tan and I apologized for fainting on top of her while I was naked. She just laughed at me. I'm sure she still tells people the story about the time the naked girl fainted on her.
Once I got back to my dorm, I ate some more and made sure to drink lots of water until the dining hall opened and I had a decent dinner. We made sure to regale the rest of the cast with my harrowing tale and we all had a great laugh. Either in spite of or because of my nakedly fainting on top of a total stranger, opening night went well.
|Totally worth it.|
I think I nailed it.
|My Asian friends tell me this is laughable vs offensive.|