The Vortex of Rule 36 (NSFW)

My friend and fellow Whovian, Jen was having a bad time a couple of weeks ago and one of her friends  bought her a 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver toy to cheer her up. She was so excited that she posted a picture of it on Facebook and the following conversation ensued:

As you can see, I half-jokingly said that I'm sure a sonic screwdriver vibrator existed because of Rule 36. Then out of curiosity, I turned to my old friend, Google to make some hilarious search-engine magic and thus, further brighten Jen's day with ridiculous pics of crazy sonic screwdriver vibrators. But here's the unbelievable part: It. Doesn't. Exist.

I will repeat that. There does not exist a Doctor Who sonic screwdriver vibrator available for retail purchase. Are you kidding me?!?! The world has a sparkling (goddamn sparkling, you guys) icy Twilight dildo but no DOCTOR WHO vibrators?!?!?! WTF internet?!?! You have failed me! I was so flabbergasted by the difficulty of finding such a nerdy obscure sex toy on the internet that I proceeded to lose the next 2 hours of my life to the vortex time suck that is Rule 36.

I was on a mission. I refused to believe that Doctor Who sex toys didn't exist. I needed to know. I needed to find them- not for any personal use- merely on the principle that something with such a massive and cult fandom did not have a plethora of weird kinky shit to go along with it. It's just not normal. I was somewhat correct in my refusal to believe something so nerdy did not have a market for fetishism. I discovered the existence of the "TaRDIS Tickler." Not quite as exciting or pleasing as a vibrating sonic screwdriver, but way more sparkly than that stupid Twi-hard ice dick. (Seriously, if you didn't read the reviews on The Vamp page, you're missing out. Good reads.)

I finally found my answers through the Houston Press and Geek Kink (unfortunately, their Etsy account is no longer active.) There exists a crowd-sourced Sonic Vibrator, but only one Sonic Screwdriver vibrator. The only known Sonic Screwdriver Vibrator I could find in existence was a custom order through Geek Kink. They sell plenty of other items that I'm not shocked exist: TaRDIS BDSM paddles, My Little Pony BDSM paddles (you know, normal Rule 36 stuff) but only one custom 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver vibrator.

Etsy's got weird shit, you guys.

 They said they built the custom vibrator by Jerry-rigging a sonic screwdriver toy with an electric toothbrush motor because it's the same motor that comes in your standard vibrator. (Think about that the next time you brush your teeth.) But Geek Kink can't mass produce them because they built it out of an already existing licensed product. I know DW is technically a family-friendly show, but come on, BBC! Get on that!!! You're sitting on a potential gold mine of Doctor stimulated orgasms!!! People pay good money for stuff like that! 


Wait a tick-

I honestly wonder what the licensing rights to Doctor Who sonic screwdriver sex toys would cost to procure... Oh my god, I'm sitting on a million dollar idea, you guys! Who knows a good patent & licensing attorney?!


And this is why I never get anything done.

I'm working on Stuff

Hi blog-readers.

I've been quite absent lately, I know. Sorry. I am writing and working on some things to share at the same time working through some personal crap. I'm writing 5 different posts right now trying to get them all just the way I want them. The words are all somewhat muddled up inside my brain these days. Thanks for your patience.

The word cloud inside me

 

My Whole Life Needs a NDA

I was working over-time in this huge corporate building for this really sleazy company under a boss I hate. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I royally embarrassed myself explaining that my ethics would no longer allow me to commit to this type of environment. I was fired on the spot in front of everyone in a rather explosive scene. I was told to go downstairs to the lobby to wait for my things to be brought to me. In the lobby, I met Stephen Colbert which was so exciting, I forgot I was just fired.  

Stephen was observing a desert terrarium which contained starving and sun-burned piglet crawling pathetically towards a bowl of milk. Stephen cackled at it and remarked something about nature and science and survival of the fittest. I started to cry. Stephen laughed at me and then kissed me passionately. I was too stunned to file a sexual harassment charge. Then security threw me out. But unbeknownst to them I smuggled out a baby pig from a crate that had just arrived, presumably to be submitted to the same torture as the poor soul in the terrarium.

Trudging home through an unfamiliar neighborhood with my new hungry baby pig, I stumbled upon a chain-smoking, emaciated Mathew Perry who listened to my plight and told me he could get me my job back if I helped him pull off a scheme. I was to pretend I was an actress from Game of Thrones so he could dupe his hot neighbor into baking for him. I assumed he was high but agreed to go along with it. We had to seal the deal like a demon's deal (like ya do.) He blew smoke into my mouth and kissed me until I choked on the smoke. I remarked that Stephen Colbert was a better kisser. This kind of pissed Mathew Perry off, but seemed to make him more determined in his plan.

Somehow we conned our way into his neighbor's apartment and convinced her to not only feed my piggie but to bake us the best cake in the world. I spent the rest of the evening trying to convince them that they had not seen my boobs on Game of Thrones, and despite what the neighbor's daughter had accused me of, I never made fun of her because she didn't need a bra and it was not some plot for world domination on my part.

And the moral of the story is: No more burritos and beer before bedtime.
My sleeping brain is fucked up place, you guys.


OK. That dream is still bthering me. It's been all day and it's still creeping me out! I need a palette cleanser:
 

Iron Man 3: A Surprising Sequel (No Spoilers)

Yesterday, I saw Iron Man 3 with my buddies Vash and Justin. The movie surprised me. Boyfriend and I watched the first two installments the day before to gear up for #3, and I was glad we did. Iron Man 3 starts off with a reference to a conversation in the first movie, and it was a delightful surprise. What I found most surprising about the movie was how much it focused on Tony Stark's character as a fallible and often fragile human being, and less on him as Iron Man. Some fans might not like this aspect of the movie as Tony spends a lot of the film outside of the suit. I quite enjoyed seeing vulnerable Tony Stark, it added more suspense and drama to what could have been a predictable action movie.



Tony is clearly suffering from some PTSD after the events that took place at the end of The Avengers. He has insomnia and suffers from anxiety attacks. To combat this, he tinkers and loses himself in an obsession with the distraction of his suits. The downside I found with this in the story was that I personally found it triggering when Tony had anxiety attacks onscreen. Robert Downey Jr. is an amazing actor and plays the anxiety attacks in a very real way. I'm glad he did this, because it felt real and not like anxiety attacks were something to be downplayed. However, he portrayed them so real-to-life that I started getting paranoid that I was going to have an anxiety attack for the rest of the day (thereby inducing one late last night.)

All in all, I think this was a great installment to the Iron Man series and the Marvel movie franchise. I don't want to go too much more into detail about the movie so as not to spoil anything. I recommend seeing this if you liked the first two.  

Iron Man 3 gets 4 out of 5 Iron Man Mr. Potato Heads.

Memory Lane Monday: The post I'm not allowed to Write

Yesterday I did some work on a new film that is coming out next summer. But, since I signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement, if I tell you about it, I could get in trouble and probably blacklisted from working on movies again. So, I'm posting this to say, sorry for no Memory Lane Monday post today! 

But, I can tell you that the scene I was in looks like it's going to be pretty awesome. Also, I can say that the movie's current working title is London Calling. I'll let you use your Google-fu to do any snooping for information that I'm not allowed to give away. But I will be sure to post about my super cool day on or around May 2, 2014.

Source

Best. Birthday. Ever?

Pssst.  

Artist

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I've talked about my birthday before a bit. Ok, I've talked about it a lot.  Ok, a lot, a lot. But today, I'm not going to make it all about me, just a little. I've honestly had a few not-as-awesome-as-I-wanted birthdays in the past few years. I had to go to work at the job in the 7th circle of hell last year, the year before that, Boyfriend and I had just moved to our current shit hole apartment and were completely broke. The year before that, my ferret Dusty died ON my fucking birthday. Seriously, worst birthday ever. And the year before that I wanted to go to my favorite New Orleans-style restaurant for a kick-ass Po Boy, but we showed up to discover that they didn't survive the recession. *le sigh*  So, I haven't had great run of birthday luck as an adult. So, I decided to change it this year. 

Currently, I'm as broke as I've been in years, and the money/jobs are trickling in slower than I'd like. But, I still have a roof over my head and food to eat (even if sometimes it's just peanut butter or hot dogs and beans.) And I still have clean water to drink, which cannot be said for many many people in the world today.

Instead of making my birthday all about me, I started a birthday fundraiser through Charity: Water to help raise money to provide clean water for people in developing nations. I'm asking my friends and family to instead of getting me a card or a present or buying me a beer, to donate the money they would spend on me to my fundraiser. My fundraiser goal is $1000, which I know will be difficult to obtain, but I have faith in my peoples. It's been slow-going because of the tragic events in Boston, everyone is donating to the Red Cross, which is wonderful (Boyfriend will be donating blood next week.) But, dear readers, if you have even $1 to spare, I would love it if you would go on over to my charity page and donate, or at the very least, read and share with someone you know. That would make this the best birthday ever.Thanks.

Real Life Troll Takedown (Late to the Party)

Because I'm silly and haven't been checking my Twitter as often in the last couple of weeks, I missed this and had to hear about it from *shudder* the news media. But nevertheless, it's awesome and I wanted to share and show my support for this lady.

Rae Johnston is an editor for TechLife, an Australian tech magazine, and she's a gamer. Well apparently, gents in Australia never got the memo that girls game. She was wearing her Bioshock Infinite t-shirt and given the stink eye by some Troll in a coffee shop. He then accused her (in what I'm sure was a nasty condescending tone) of not having played. So she straight up told him the twist ending of the new Bioshock game.

BOOM!

  I doubt he learned his lesson even though she says she could see in his face that she crushed him. But score a point for the ladies!!! So after this, she's been interviewed and re-blogged and re-tweeted by the likes of Forbes, and  The Mary Sue, and Sir Wil Wheaton.

Go girl! 

I haven't encountered too many Trolls IRL, but I find them much easier to deal with in person than online, despite my social anxiety. I think they can be more vicious online and it's difficult to get them to back down when they are typing away from the safety of their hidey-hole. It's easier to take them down a peg when in public, because they have no where to run to and if you stand your ground, they will either admit defeat or mutter "Psh, whatever" and go sulk in a corner. But then, they'll probably go home and take out their aggression on the internet anyway, so it does feel like we fight a losing battle sometimes. Hopefully someday Trolls and harassment will only be something that happened "back in my day."  Keep fighting the good fight everyone. Just because the other side screams the loudest at times, doesn't mean they are stronger than us.